From One to Two: Rediscovering Yourself, Managing Expectations, and Splitting the Load
Episode 39: From One to Two: Rediscovering Yourself, Managing Expectations, and Splitting the Load with Cameron Oaks Rogers @cameronoaksrogers
This week Rachael has on guest Cameron Rogers, a content creator, podcaster and mother of two! Cameron shares her journey to motherhood, including her transition from a career on Wall Street to full-time content creation. Recently a mom of 2, she discusses the challenges and surprises of transitioning from one to two children. Cameron also talks about the impact becoming a mom has had on her relationship with her partner and how they navigate the division of labor through the Fair Play method.
In this candid conversation, Cameron shares openly about her mental health during pregnancies and postpartum, her decision to go alcohol-free and the journey to finding identity outside of motherhood. Find out how she deals with negative comments on the internet, why parenting each child differently has been so helpful, and the unexpected healing and challenges of parenthood!
Cameron Oaks Rogers is best known for her voice and relatable humor which carves out a safe space on the internet for mothers everywhere. She’s dedicated to dismantling the stigma surrounding mental health, and leveraging her platforms to foster an open dialogue within her closely-knit community about real life issues. Drawing from her fearless career journey, a notable five-year stint on Wall Street, and a robust entrepreneurial skill set, she’s earned recognition as one of Forbes' "Five Entrepreneurs Who are Changing New York’s Wellness Scene." Embracing the challenges of new motherhood, she has passionately shed light on her own experiences with pregnancy, postpartum depression, and the often unspoken or overlooked trials and tribulations of navigating the journey of motherhood, she’s also a recent mother of two!
Mentioned in this episode:
Cameron’s Instagram: @cameronoaksrogers
Cameron’s tiktok: @cameronoaksrogers
Cameron’s Podcast: Freckled Foodie & Friends Podcast
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate 5⭐️ and write us a review! ⬇️
✨For sleep support and resources, visit heysleepybaby.com and follow @heysleepybaby on Instagram! 😴☁️🤎✨
Rachael is a mom of 3, founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby, and the host of this podcast.
Episode Sponsored By:
Mysteries About True Histories Podcast:
Tune in every Thursday for a brand new episode of Mysteries About True Histories! This series is perfect for kids ages six and up. Even if your child hasn’t learned some of these concepts yet in school, the storytelling seamlessly plants the seeds for all kinds of math, history, geography and science lessons that will keep your little ones curious and excited to learn. Listen to the podcast here.
Listen to the full episode
-
Welcome to the No One Told Us podcast, where we tell the truth about parenting and talk about all the stuff you wish you knew before having your kids. I'm your host, Rachael Shepherd -Ohta, and today I'm so excited to be speaking with Cameron Oaks -Rogers, who's best known for her voice and relatable humor, carving out a safe space on the internet for mothers everywhere. Standing proud as a mental health advocate, community curator, and overall relatable mom, her audience resonates with her realistic and authentic take on life. She's dedicated to dismantling the stigma surrounding mental health and leveraging her platforms to foster an open dialogue within her closely knit community about real life issues.
Drawing from her fearless career journey, a notable five -year stint on Wall Street and a robust entrepreneurial skill set, she's earned recognition as one of Forbes five entrepreneurs who are changing New York's wellness scene. Embracing the challenges of new motherhood. She's passionately shed light on her own experiences with pregnancy, postpartum depression, and the often unspoken or overlooked trials and tribulations of navigating this journey of motherhood. And Cameron is a new mother of two. You just welcomed your second baby, which has been so exciting for me to watch this on TikTok. I've been following you for such a long time and I've been so excited to kind of see how you now that journey because it can be really intense and tough and beautiful and all of the things humbling. That's probably the best way to sum it up. So I'm really excited to get into today's episode with you. Thank you so,
so much for joining us on the podcast today.
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to chat. And I do feel like as someone who has multiple kids, like it must be interesting to watch a transition of someone from one to two, because it's a very different experience.
It's very different. Well, the thing that's funny to me is that, like on my Instagram page all the time, people want me to pull, like can you please just pull and ask people what they found the hardest? Which transition was the hardest? Was it one to two? Was it, you know, becoming a mom for the first time with the zero to one? Was it two to three? And I really find that it's usually pretty evenly split. Like everybody has a totally different experience. And I think it really just depends on so many different factors. like you talk about with mental health and your support system and all of that. Totally.
Mine were also different. Like my zero to one transition was way harder mentally because of the identity shift of like, I'm a mom, like who am I? What is my life now? What do I wear? What do I talk about? What does my future hold? I didn't feel that with the one to two, but the one to two is more just like, you don't have a second to yourself.
Oh, no, it's your fully in it You are fully in. Yeah. Yeah, and I would love to unpack this more too. You just mentioned like, what do I talk about now? And I am so curious how you actually got into this kind of world of content creation and talking about motherhood online and making your tiktoks and creating this amazing platform and you have a podcast and like you're doing so many things but it sounds like and I actually didn't even realize this until I was researching for this episode but I didn't realize you'd had this background on Wall Street so how did you how did you make that shift and why.
So it's a wild ride so when I graduated college in 2013 I had interned for JP Morgan for two summers like my junior and senior. The summer before those years we started working at JP in sales and trading full time like right after graduation. And I was there for five years on their municipal bond desk. So I was selling municipal bonds to institutional clients and it was a very different world. Like truly could not get more different than what I'm doing right now. And I did love it in the sense that I was really good at it. I loved my team. It was exciting. It fed into a lot of my characteristics. So, you know, it was really great for a type A competitive, fast paced type of person.
However, feeding into those characteristics, it also made me like a not great version of myself because it heightened some of those things that I didn't want heightened necessarily. So I became a very, very anxious version of myself in that space. And while I was working there, I was dealing with all of these digestive health issues. And I was in my early 20s, I was in New York, I was so anxious and I kept feeling this loneliness and depression of like I have everything I could want on paper, my life is perfect. Why do I feel so lonely? Why do I feel so isolated? Why am I so sad? And with the digestive health stuff, I was going on all these elimination diets with these doctors, et cetera, trying to figure out what the heck was going on. The intention was good in the sense that I was trying to figure out what was causing me to feel this way. But the impact was that I became so obsessed with every morsel of food that went into my body.
And alongside doing this, I started cooking for the first time because I also was spending so much money in the city on meals. And I was like,
you know what, I think if I cook more, it'll help. And so that's kind of how I started. And it was also the age of when like, quote unquote, food porn accounts were starting in the city.
Yes, yes. And I thought maybe if I start an account, I'll get like free meals at restaurants. And so I started this account and didn't tell anyone. It was freckled foodie. I was only posting food. You never would have seen my face on it. Like you would have no idea who I was. I was keeping it very separate from my work. And that kind of just spiraled and kept rolling. And I just felt like there was so much I wanted to do. And I mean, it's a very long story, but the short version is that when I started this account, it was a lot of meal prep recipes, that kind of stuff. And eventually I felt like there was something I could potentially do with this, but I simply didn't have the time working the hours I was working.
And I think I had the account for like a year plus while I was still working in the corporate world. And I actually got hit by a car while I was crossing the street. I had a really bad concussion. It's a wild part of my journey. but that's what sparked everything. I was on disability from work and I was like, you know what, I will never be this young again. I will never have this little responsibility. I have the privileges and the financial means to take this leap of faith. I'm not happy. So like, what's the point of any of this?
And I left and gave myself six months to try and figure it out. I left and I was meal prepping for clients. I was doing at home cooking, like in home cooking for clients and simultaneously creating content alongside that. And it was when I left, I started talking to the camera and I started showing myself and I started sharing my journey and I started talking about mental health and my anxiety and all of these things. And that's when I really started to build this incredible community. And that's when I really started to build this incredible community. And it's just kind of grown from there. Oh my gosh, so that was five years ago.
So wait, so you didn't have like culinary training. You were just like company self taught. That is amazing.
But also like food was such a focus. But then, I don't know if you feel this way. As time went on, A, I just became less obsessive about food. So it was less of like a focus.
Right. But then B, when I had kids, food is just the last thing on my mind. Like I'm simply eating to survive.
Truly, yes.
And like the more I experienced with pregnancy and having no interest in food during my pregnancy, I started sharing about that aspect of things on my platform and I started this series What the Fuck Is Happening to My Body? 'Cause I was like, what is going on? Why do I hate being pregnant? And I thought I would love that. And then I started sharing about my journey as a first time mom. And so my content has definitely shifted to more parenting, motherhood, mental health and way less food. But I think that's just the reality of so many of us.
And that's what people are resonating with, right? Like people might've found you for the food stuff and then kind of just fell in love with you and really resonated with what you were talking about and wanted to follow your journey, which I think is so cool. And it's really cool that it grew kind of organically. Do you feel like it kind of gave you like a creative outlet? Do you feel like it was kind of fulfilling things that you weren't getting in the corporate world?
Yeah. And it's funny because I actually never align with a label creative, like I don't think I'm a creative person, even though technically my work is quote unquote content creation. But I just don't feel like a creator or creative. But I do feel like at that time, it gave me an outlet of something that wasn't so intense, numbers focused, obsessive, like competitive, it was something to kind of slow down and have fun with.
For sure. And you mentioned so, you know, even before you got pregnant for the first time, kind of struggling with anxiety and mental health. So how did that kind of manifest during your first pregnancy and your first postpartum?
During my first pregnancy, I had been on medication for my anxiety for like a year, I want to say, or two years before I got pregnant. And I had just spoken with my doctor about like, you know, we might start trying and she's like, okay, I don't want you on this specific medication while you're pregnant. So let's get off of it. figure out how we feel and then if we need something, we'll go on a medication that I feel comfortable with you being on while you're pregnant. I then had a surprise pregnancy. So when I got pregnant, I wasn't on anything and my anxiety skyrocketed.
Those first few weeks of pregnancy, like I could not sleep, I was not even anxious necessarily around the pregnancy itself, but more just like my body was buzzing and I was so high strung. So I ended up going on a medication that my doctors felt comfortable with. That helped a ton, but I definitely still was anxious in everyday life around pregnancy. I was not the anxious pregnant person that was constantly worried if the baby was okay, which I think is very common, but that's just not where my anxiety lied.
And then when it came to postpartum, I was definitely very aware of postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, you know, I had conversations with my doctors, had conversations with my husband, etc. I was not prepared for the heightened intrusive thoughts that I experienced. And that's why I talk about them a lot because I think it's terrifying and there's a lot of shame around it because they're really ugly, the thoughts that you have. But I,
from the day we got home, had such intense intrusive thoughts about the safety of our baby. And it would be what I call these like final destination visions. Did you ever watch those movies growing up?
No, I couldn't. And yeah, I couldn't.
They're so effed. I don't know why I watched them all.
No, just the previews alone were like always enough for me. I was like, no thank you, I want no part of that. But it's so funny.
I don't know why I did. But it's so funny that you make that comparison because I don't know if you follow Kate Borsato, she's a friend of mine, and she's a perinatal mental health therapist out of Canada. She has a wonderful Instagram account, I can link it in the show notes for anybody that's interested, but she talks a lot about postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and she makes that exact comparison. She's like, you feel like it's final destination, you picture yourself, driving yourself off a cliff with your baby and like doing all these insane things that you, you're not gonna actually do, but it's alarming to have those thoughts.
It's really alarming because, and it's confusing to explain to someone that hasn't experienced it because I would be holding our baby walking around our apartment and I'd be like, oh, I'm gonna bang his head into this doorway, or oh, I'm gonna drop him right here on this marble countertop, or like… all of these things. Mm -hmm, and it's not I want no part of doing that right I'm not like this is something I want to do, but I'm envisioning myself doing it.
Yep, and it was so All -consuming and then I was like what is wrong with me
right and then you spiral
Spiral because I'm like what the heck is happening. So that was how my postpartum anxiety really showed. And I think now, I don't know if you feel this way, but as a second time mom, I look back at things I was doing as a first time mom, and I'm like, oh my God, like the OCD obsession over the naps, the time, like the wake windows, the where he was doing this, the schedules, I was obsessed, obsessed, obsessed, tracking everything.
I was gonna ask you, because you mentioned you were like a type A, and I was like, from my experience, working with moms Those type a's have a really hard time, especially the first time with anxiety around trying to control everything.
I Was obsessed…. same. Yep, and that's why the second has been such a gift because I realize a- You can't control shit. No, you can try. B I'm I'm like trying to enjoy way more because I'm not obsessed. Like, oh, he didn't finish his nap. Okay, I'll just hold him for a little bit. Wow, how great is this? I love cuddling with my baby. Like, things that I would have never been able to do as a first -time mom, just mentally myself.
100%. We're gonna take a quick break and then I wanna come back and talk more about this transition that you've recently gone through with one to two.
Okay, Cameron, we're back and I would love, because how old is your second now? Four months. Four months. Oh gosh. He's still so fresh. Still so fresh. Oh my god. It's the worst and the best time. It's like that newborn phase. I know so many people really struggle with, but for me, even though it's intense and so hard, I just... just wish I could bottle it up and stay there forever.
How have you, you mentioned before, you know, how you've kind of been like enjoying this time a little bit more and knowing how fleeting it is has been really helpful. What are some things that have surprised you about the transition from one to two that you kind of weren't prepared for even though you were already a mom?
Well, I had a different, and I always feel shame isn't the right word but I think many people experience this and it's hard to put words to and speak publicly on but when our first was born, I felt an incredibly deep connection the second he was put on my chest. And I think with our second, it's confusing because you have this relationship with your other child based on time. Like you've spent, for me, two and a half years. years getting to know this kid.
Yeah, falling in love with that. - The kid now talks. The kid, like you have an interactive relationship. So to go back to a baby, kind of feel like a fresh newborn feels like, wait, this is kind of boring. Like, what do you do here? Like, give me something. And I think it took me longer the second time around to feel the connection, which I mentally struggled with a bit, like beating myself up over. But then I think once I kind of let go of comparing the two experiences, I found my own groove with our second. And also it's just, my kids are wildly different. I don't know if that'll be the case as they get older, but as babies, they are night and day.
How, I wanna hear how.
Our first, I did not realize. was an angel. Like, I mean, everyone said that to me. They were like, this isn't normal. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. -
You just thought you were like killing it?
Never heard him cry once. The baby did not cry.
Oh my God. - He was one of those 12 hours by 12 weeks. Shut up. - Slept, oh yeah. Seven to seven by 12 weeks. And slept all of his naps in his snoo. Like, seven to seven by 12 weeks. through the night, not a peep, just like all of those things. He did not spit up once his entire life. There was one occasion that Joe and I, my husband, recall, not one time did he spit up.
So our second came out just like, he's a middle, he's, well, not middle, 'cause I don't know if we're every a third, but he's the second, like I am, like he was just, he is energetic, he is constantly wanting to move, he, he had really bad reflux in the beginning, we dealt with some medical stuff with him in the beginning, which was also just a very different experience to go through, sleep,
don't know it, like he's like, "No, no, we don't know this thing." No, like I will only sleep in your arms, ma 'am. So it's been a very different experience and my husband and I are constantly trying to remind ourselves not to compare the two because I don't want to constantly be comparing our children. I don't think that's healthy for them, but it's just been an eye -opening experience in the sense of, wow, every kid is not the same. Even the things they like, like the snoo was the best thing ever for our first, the second, I don't think it made a difference. Like little things, they just are very different.
Well, it's like you said at the beginning of the episode, it is humbling.
Oh, so humbling.
I think especially when you have an easier first kid, you tend to, to think like you've got this everything you've done is right. Yeah. And then yeah, no, and like, why is everybody saying this is so hard? And then you have that baby that just wants to humble the fuck out of you. It is, it is something. You mentioned your husband to and I would love to hear if you're willing to share about how your guys's relationship has kind of evolved and changed from one to two and if it's different than the zero to one transition because I know so many people struggle with their relationships postpartum and not knowing how to navigate those challenges together.
I think it's different in the sense of we have the confidence that like this is not permanent. So I remember the zero to one transition was very hard because you enter this roommate phase where you're so focused on something other than yourselves or each other and it does become these like two ships passing in the night where one of you was always doing something or you're always talking about the schedule of the feeds like it's postpartum is not sexy… you know you you lose that whole aspect of your relationship and you know we didn't have any help with our first for the first like four months so there was no like alone time, we weren't going out on dates any of that.
And I remember being really worried of like what the hell just happened to us. And also I had resentment towards him because the reality is just his body did not change. And not from like a physical standpoint, sure my body was recovering, but more so like I was breastfeeding and he simply wasn't. And there was a lot of like your life didn't fucking change and mine got turned upside down.
Yeah.
However, I don't feel that that happened nearly as much the second time around because I actually think the one to two transition is more of a change for in a heterosexual relationship, the male. And I say that because the first time around, he was doing all of the things, you know, helping with like doing the laundry, washing the bottles, washing the pump parts, all of those things. But if I, I breastfed. exclusively for the first five months, during those feeds, he was on my boob. And Joe had done everything he possibly could have done. And then he had time to just kind of hang out. And now the second time around, he doesn't have, no one has that time to just hang out because if you're not with one, you're with the other.
He's on toddler duty. Yeah.
So I think that transition was more of an awakening for him. And for us as a couple, you know, we are exiting the roommate phase right now slowly, slowly exiting. But as I said, there's the confidence of like, okay, this is not forever,
we will get back to a place where like we have some time for ourselves, we will go on a date again, at some point.
Yeah. And that confidence is helpful to just get through the like, difficult phase of postpartum.
It's so true. I always say I wish that you could have the perspective of a second time parent when you're a first time parent. It would help so many. When you first have a baby, you think it's your life forever and it's so freaking scary. I just remember being like in panic mode all the time. Like this is my life now. What did I do? This was a huge mistake. And then, you know, you come out of it and you're like, oh, like that wasn't so bad. Let's do it again.
Let's do it again. (laughing)
But that perspective really is just... so incredibly helpful. How do you guys, because you are, you know, full -time content creator, you're doing so much, how do you guys kind of split the load so that you can do all the things that you're doing and so that he can do the things that he wants to do?
We are big proponents of division of labor to the point where I have a whole episode that like lays all of this out that I can send you if you want to put it in the show notes, but there's this game, quote unquote, I wouldn't call it. it a game, but I think it calls itself a card game called Fair Play at home.
Fair Play, yeah, so good.
So we like fully did the whole thing after our first because like I said, the resentment, I was like, I feel like I'm doing everything. And to his defense, he was like, I feel like I'm doing a lot and I'm not getting any acknowledgement for it. And I'm like, well, all of your tasks, like emptying the dishwasher, doing the laundry, taking the trash out are tangible. It's clear. You have done that task. Mine was all mental load. So it's less visual, but it's nonstop.
And it's like the, I always give the example of kids clothing. It seems so easy, right? Oh, they just need to have clothes, but like, what size are they? What size are they in that specific company? What season is it? Are they going to grow out of this size by that next season? So do they need new ones? Speaking of size, what size diapers are they? Do we have enough diapers? If I order the set of diapers and I get the eight packs, do I need to get the next size or can I do half and half? Do we have wipes like it just goes and goes and goes?
Never ends. And yeah. And so we sat down and did a full like division of every task to the point where if I own the task, he never thinks about it. But if he owns a task, I don't think about it. So these have shifted over time, especially as we move to a house, there are a lot more things to upkeep and we added our second child. But for instance, the clothing thing, he has no concept of where our first clothes are in our storage and how they're organized and when they get brought out, that's a task I own. I have no concept of what days the trash goes out, the recycling goes out, whether we have paper towels, where the paper towels are even stored, like those things, right over my head. 'Cause that's a him thing.
I love it. So we are very intentional about that because I think otherwise it's just a lot. And, you know, we are very a 50 /50 divide with work. It's different 'cause he works a corporate job, but he works from home four days a week. So, you know. up who's taking our toddler to school, who's doing drop off pickup, et cetera. It's just very intentional. It's an active discussion because I think otherwise there's so much room for resentment.
Oh, for sure, because if you are sitting there assuming that something's gonna get done or hoping that it gets done and then it doesn't, you're just gonna be disappointed and pissed off constantly. Yeah, no, I love the fair playbook and the card deck. I can definitely link it in the show notes because I recommend it all the time. We did it also with our first, I think. And I will never forget we like, I think it has you make a list at first or something as an exercise of all the things that you're in charge of and then all the things that your partner's in charge of.
And I remember making my list and showing it to him and him being like, I don't really want to make my list anymore because mine was like a full page of paper, like so many little things written on it. And he was just like, mm, you win. And like, let's play the game let's do the card thing whatever you want to do is fine like we will split it however you want because it's a lot. yeah and the reason I like the cards also is because it brings to light things that I would have never thought of of like… I do own that exactly like doctor's appointments right… like I'm in charge of all of those. Or like who's signing them up for after -school activities who's looking at all of these things that are real tasks especially when it comes to mental load that gets so just looked over. And I love the game for that exact reason. Yeah. Well, in a lot of those types of things, just default to the mom.
And it's like not even a second thought. It's not even a discussion of like, oh, who does it make sense to give this task to? It's just automatically assumed that we're going to handle all of that. And it's not, it's not right. We're going to take a quick break. And then when we come back, I kind of want to talk a little bit about your self discovery since becoming a mom.
Okay, we're back with Cameron and you recently shared and this resonated with so many people I've shared about it recently as well and it went very viral on tiktok because I think there's so many people are talking about this right now…. Is the decision to I don't know if you can see it going sober. But kind of the decision to be alcohol -free for some period of time. I would love to hear about your kind of thought process behind this and and how you decided to share about it and be so open about it.
Absolutely, so I don't say sober because I love the power of plants. I'm a big not big but I love cannabis and California sober. Yeah. Yes. I like that label Yeah, this is actually very tired I don't know when this episode will release, but I'm recording a solo after this discussing two years without alcohol, because for me, it'll be like the first week of March will be two years. And the thing that sparked it was honestly just, we had gone out on a double date with a girlfriend, had a fine time, like really fun. I wasn't hammered. We just had a few drinks. The next day I woke up, I was hungover. My son would have been nine, 10 months at that time. And I was just like, this sucks.
There's nothing worse.
Like this absolutely sucks. Why am I so hungover? I don't wanna do anything today. I don't want to mom. I simply don't. And it was that realization where I was like, "I really love being a mom. Like, I love it. And it's something I enjoy so much. Why am I actively doing something that makes me dislike something I love? And that was kind of the clarity I needed. And I had always had, in my opinion, a very healthy relationship with alcohol. I never drank to get drunk. I just drank 'cause I liked the taste. I loved alcohol.
Mm -hmm. And it just became a default, it just became regular. Like every night, oh, what do you want? Should we have a beer? Do I want a glass of wine? Are we gonna go out? I would love a cocktail. And it was just autopilot. And I definitely started to realize as I got older, but especially after having a kid, it was not not serving my anxiety. It was not serving me, it was hurting my anxiety. And I kept feeling this like jealousy. I kept feeling this like jealousy. say this a lot of people when I heard that they didn't drink. And I was like, I can be jealous of someone who's six foot tall 'cause I'm never gonna be six feet tall. But why would I be jealous of someone who's making a decision that I can actively make?
Like I can do that. If I'm so jealous, do it. So that next day, I turned to my husband and I was like, I'm just gonna give myself a break for a little bit. But there was zero black and white. There was zero goal. I honestly, at that point, thought I was talking like a week. But then it just snowballed because I just kept feeling better and better and better. And with each day, with each week, eventually with each month, I was like, wait, my anxiety feels better. I'm happier. I'm sleeping better. I found this newfound confidence in myself, which I never would have expected because even in college, I was always the person that would be drinking, but people are like, have more, have more, have more. And I'm like, I don't do well to peer pressure. I'm like, no, you can't peer pressure me. If I don't want to do it, I'm not fucking doing it. And I always felt this like I hated that people felt I wasn't having as much fun as them because I wasn't as drunk as them.
And I think the active decision to just stop gave me a confidence of like, I did always know myself best. I was right. This isn't for me. And so I get a lot of questions of like, you know, will you ever go back? Like, how do you deal with going out? How do you, all these things, it's not even a thought anymore. And that's the reality of it. Who knows if I'll drink again one day. I've always... given myself the grace of if I want to drink, I'll have it. I've just never actually wanted to order the drink. And the thing I miss most honestly is like a draft IPA, like draft beer. So when my husband orders one, if we're out, I just like have the first few sips. I'm like, I just want to sip and I'll take a big sip. And I'm like, that was perfect. And that's all I actually wanted because I love the taste. I don't want any more of that.
So I just... other than that, like I never, I don't know, it's not a thing I think about anymore. When I sit down, I'm not like, should I, should I not? It just doesn't even cross my mind. 'Cause I think it's been such a positive change for me.
I think also once you have to parent hungover, it's just like-- -
No, the worst.
Truly no night in the world would be worth it. Like it is hell, it is torture. There's nothing worse. So yeah, I think once you get your first taste of that, like you said, it was kind of my not rock bottom, because like you said, like I had a very normal relationship with alcohol as well. But having to parent when hungover and like, especially if it was a day where both my husband and I were hungover, we would just look at each other and be like, we are such pieces of shit. Like, why, what are we doing?
Yeah, I had this realization the other day that I was like, I can't even tap into the feeling of waking up on with like the cotton mouth, like the taste, like that makes me want to puke and I love that I won't feel like that anymore.
Yes, well, and for me, it's tough because I, even in college, like my friends just knew Rachael is not gonna be coming out of her room on Sundays because I just have always gotten the worst hangovers, even for very little to drink. And so for me, it was kind of after kids, it was my tolerance also just like. went through the basement.
So did mine. I could not have one cocktail without feeling a headache immediately. And so that kind of made it easy too 'Cause I'm like, wow, like not only can I just not like drink to party anymore, but I really can't even have a casual glass of wine anymore. So like, what is the point? And yeah, it's actually been really nice. And my husband has kind of stopped drinking too.
And yeah, I think it seems to be in our generation more of a thing. At least on TikTok, I see a lot of people having this conversation right now.
Yes. I think that, and I'm not like trying to polarize people and make them feel badly at all, but I do think that it's insane that we question people for not drinking. Right? When in reality, you're drinking something that is a downer,
right? And doesn't have any actual positive side effects. No. And I do think that alcohol will be like the cigarettes in some future generation.
For sure. It's become so normalized that, and I think there's so much money to be made in it that like companies are going to push very, very hard against this kind of like new movement. And, you know, I think it's going to be very, very hard for like restaurants to keep up and stuff like that. But I do think that it's weird how normalized it's become. And people are starting to kind of like wake up to the fact that like, oh, I don't actually have to binge drink every time I go out.. Yeah. Like it doesn't actually feel great. I just don't actually love it.
I know you talk so much on TikTok about motherhood and, you know, your mental health and you're so just refreshingly honest, and I think that's why you've garnered such an amazing community. Why do you think so many of us struggle with losing our identities in motherhood, and how have you been able to kind of navigate this and find an identity outside of being a mom, even though your content is largely about parenting and being a mom, or have you?
Yeah. I feel like I did, and now I feel like I don't. And I think that's because I'm so freshly postpartum that I will hopefully find it again. But I think so many of us struggle because your world is literally turned on its axis. Like suddenly everything is surrounded around this one tiny human. And before having a kid, it's interesting. I actually just had a TikTok comment a few weeks ago that I can't stop thinking about. That's like, I miss the pre -kid cam content. And that person's allowed to feel that way. But the reality is like, I'm not pre -kid cam.
So like what I used to just from a content perspective, but I think relatable to anyone just living their lives because my content was about my life, talk about and do was like, workout classes and how I was spending my day and my long morning routine and you know, what I was cooking and where I was going out with all my friends. And that is just not the focus of my life anymore.
And I think so many of us struggle with that transition in the beginning because I remember having going out to drinks with a girlfriend being like, I don't know what to talk about. She didn't have kids and it was my first time actually exiting the house. It was early on, she was visiting New York, so I wanted to see her. And I just remember sitting there being so in my head, like I don't have anything to say other than my kids' feeding schedule, how they're sleeping, what my life is, like my boobs are leaking. And I think you have to give yourself grace because with time you start to find other parts of yourself.
But in the beginning, that is the focus. And I think I did find parts of myself and the way that I carve out time for myself was, A, prioritizing things that help my mental health. So I was the annoying mom. My girlfriends always make fun of me. They're like, "You're the person everyone hates on TikTok." But I did get up an hour and a half before my kid to like meditate and work out and simply just poop in silence. Like, literally, I just wanted time to myself.
That I can get behind 100%. - Yeah, well also I get very over simulated. And if my day starts with chaos, it never goes downhill there from there.
It's hard to get back.
Yeah, so like I was that person. I'm not right now because our baby's still so fresh, but I hopefully will be again. But like carving out those blocks of time for yourself that aren't focused on your kids. I also am a huge proponent of like I do a lot of mom girls getaways with my girlfriends or solo to just be like I need a second to do something that's not focused on my children or a trip with my husband.
And I think I'm still trying to find that right now because I don't honestly feel I have an identity outside of being a mom in this period of time I know I will again right but But right now, it's hard. How do you feel? Like, what do you do?
I mean, my husband, my husband makes fun of me all the time because he's like, you know, I sometimes I'll get mean comments like, Oh, like her entire personality is being a mom. And my husband is like, Well, they're not wrong. Like, it's, you know, like it is, it is, it's, it's my life because I have three kids that are six and under. It's my job.
Like, just like you, like we're talking about motherhood on the constantly so it is very hard to like get out of that and what I've kind of found honestly is just if you can't get out of it get into it…. and like just lean in for the time period right. Like it's okay if my life is consumed with my small children right now. I'm okay with that yes I will find blocks of time for myself….. my husband recently became a stay -at -home dad which has been so amazing so I have more time to work and be creative, which I love. I'm starting to like do little workout classes again and, and kind of just try to get out amongst adults.
But like, I think becoming a parent during COVID and, you know, that whole layer has just made it really hard. I think it depends on people's support systems too. Like we love to, you know, do trips or date nights when we can. And then it's definitely gotten less. with each child. But it's because we're lucky to have our parents that will step in and help us with the kids. And not everybody has that. So you asked for like, what are the tips? Like, I really think it's, it's just so hard sometimes. And we have to just, at some point, come to like a radical acceptance place too, where it's like, it's okay if this is how it is right now. Because I'll get back there.
I agree. And I also, I have two thoughts on this. One, I feel like the only country that would be angry that your identity is a mom.
Yeah. Why is that a bad thing? Like yeah, it's the most important, it is the most important part of my identity, and I will die on that hill. Oh for sure. And I'm more than happy with that.
Yep, but also, I actually had this conversation conversation with my management and this is more specific to if content creation is your job, but to the comments that are like, "Oh, your whole identity is being a mom," it's like what you said of, "If you can't get out, get in," because if that's who my audience is and those are the consumers and those are the messages I get that are like, "You've helped me so much in XYZ around parenting," then why not lean into that?
Exactly. Like there may be... be other aspects of my life, but if that's not the content that resonates the most with my community, I'm gonna lean into the majority. Right, absolutely. And I think negative people are always the loudest anyway.
And there's probably so many more people that you're helping and making a positive impact. It's such a fucking twisted way. Oh my God. Well, and I'm mostly on Instagram, like TikTok. I'm very much, it's like my side piece. I've actually had to do this. take a step back for like months at a time on TikTok because the comments can be so incredibly vicious. And I'm curious to hear how you deal with that, especially having like, you know, this history of anxiety and things like that, 'cause it can be really hard.
Well, it's interesting, the comments on TikTok can always get meaner because it's hitting a demographic that doesn't always know you.
Right, exactly. Instagram, I feel like you could have a viral reel, sure. But A, people are just less inclined to comment. but B, TikTok, when it comes to the For You page, most people are scrolling on that versus the following where I don't feel that's the case with Instagram.
Right, so it's not your people. So it's not your people, and people will judge you off of five seconds. And it's like, well, hold on, you don't know any of this backstory, you don't know who I am. So one of the goals for this year for me is being okay with being misunderstood. I really have a hard time. time. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to prove to you that's not right. That's not what I said. That's not who I am. This is, you know, but then I'm like, why does it fucking matter?
Right, I know. The stranger in God knows what state thinks that about me. Yeah. Because I know myself. And I've definitely gone in ebbs and flows and being a public facing person effects my mental health and sometimes it can get really dark and there have been some very dark moments. But I find that I always try to remember like that's on them, not on me.
Yeah. If I am proud of myself and I know who I am and the people in my life know me, then that's on them. If my mom called me, me and was like, "Hey, blah blah blah" - Yeah, then like, of course I would really sit down and I would have a lot of feelings about it, but I always have to remind myself like, that's their journey, that's not mine.
No, it's so true. Has there ever been - - But it's hard. - No, it's so hard. Has there ever been a piece of content that you have regretted or deleted because you're like, "Actually, I shouldn't have said that." Or, "Oh, I wish I did that a different way."
Oh, God. Not that I regretted. One that did recently go viral and got some pushback was a video I posted. It was a clip from a solo podcast episode talking about how my relationship, my love and relationship felt different because my first, when I had my second, it was kind of what I said on... here. Like when I had my first. Oh, the bond, yeah.
Yeah, I've known him for two and a half years. So my relationship feels very deep. Like he created me as a mom. And my second feels more like I'm able to have fun with him and more like a best friend. And I think some, you know, I always say, people are gonna consume your content with whatever lens that they're already wearing.
Totally. So I got some messages from middle children or seconds being like, this is so deeply offensive to your second, like as someone and long, like as someone who has a messed up relationship with my mother who always compare, like it's still in therapy, I'm like, okay, again, that's their journey.
Yeah, that's has nothing to do with you. So I posted a follow up video being like, look, I understand a lot of people might disagree with this, but I actually came at it from a second child who's raised by a second child I don't know.
like, quite honestly, I'd rather be the best friend.
Right. They get the easy go with the flow mom who's having fun.
It's not easy to be the oldest child, trust me. Right, so like, that was one that I think was just misunderstood and there was a moment where I called two of my best friends, my mom and my husband and I showed it to them and I was like, I'm getting a little bit of pushback. Again, the feedback was more positive than negative, but there was pushback.
And I was like, do you feel more so, I talked about this with my husband, do you feel this is something that like, I should reconsider or take down or whatever, in the sense that our kid will one day watch this? Because I live my life as like, one day my children will watch everything I put out there. I don't think they will.
That's a good assumption to have though. But like they could. And he was like, no. because this is, you're not saying anything like offensive to him, it's just the reality of you're gonna have a different relationship with the two of them in these early stages because you were first time mom and now you're not. So again, it's just the comfortableness of being misunderstood and knowing who you are as a person, friend, child, spouse and mom.
For sure. And just to piggyback off that too, I think also, we need to normalize like, you can love all your kids the same, but you will have a different bond and a different relationship with each of them. Yes. Maybe even past the baby stage. Like, I have-- Absolutely, we do. - We all have-- - My mom and my sisters and I. - Yeah, we all have a different type of vibe and a different type of relationship 'cause we're all different people and like that is fine. I don't think you said anything wrong.
Well, something on that note that my mom actually said to me that she was like, I never realized this with you guys as children, but now I've learned and-- observed through you as parents, is that you also have to parent all of your kids differently because your kids are different.
A hundred percent…. yes. Oh my God, I love that she realized that because it's so true. Like no two kids are the same. Parenting strategies are gonna work differently on each of your kids and you just have to kind of adapt. Like there are things that we do with my daughter that we don't do with my son and vice versa because it's just different things work for them and that's okay.
Right. We are going to wrap up this awesome conversation. It's been so fun to talk to you. One thing that I try to ask everybody that comes on the podcast is, what is something that no one told you about being a parent that you wish you had known before?
Okay, I have a few. The first one is that like how healing it would be for my inner child. And I did not have, you know, any like big trauma growing up but there are certain things that, you know, we all have qualms with parts of the way we were raised and I think being on the other side of that has been really healing and I never expected that and in that same breath being able to tap back into my inner child like I am a very young at heart, playful person, and I love the like kid play. I love having fun and feeling like a kid again.
I also don't think I ever understood or could have grasped how mentally consuming and hard it can be, and like the true ability to feel too conflicted. conflicting emotions at once, wanting to just have a break and time for yourself and to step away and be like, oh my gosh, I just, I need them to go to sleep. And then the second they go to sleep, wanting to cuddle them. Mm -hmm, yeah. Just constantly. It's like, how do these two things exist at the same time?
Yeah, how do I have so many feelings all the time? Yeah.
Cameron, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. It was really, really, really good. fun to talk to you in real life instead of just watching your content on TikTok. Where can people connect with you and find all of your resources and your pages?
So my Instagram and TikTok is Cameron Oaks Rogers. It's funny that you say you think Instagram is like your main TikToks your side 'cause I feel the same way, but my community is larger on TikTok, so it's actually amazing.
Oh, funny. Yeah. But I think it's because I started with Instagram. Right. Right. So it just feels like my safe place. - Right, I don't know. - No, same. So those are my handles, and then my podcast is Freckled Foodie and Friends, and we release a new episode every Wednesday.
Amazing. Thank you so much for joining us. Have a great rest of your day. - Thank you so much for having me.
