Preparing for Travel, Sleep, or Stress over the Holidays

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Welcome to this special holiday episode of No One Told Us. I'm your host, Rachel, and today it's Thanksgiving week when I'm recording this. So we are going to talk all about holidays with kids and traveling and sleep and all of that stuff because I know that it can be really, really stressful even though it's supposed to be fun and magical. It can be a lot. Taking trips with kids or vacations in general can just be really, really tough. There's so much to think about. And one thing that I have found now that I've been doing this whole parenting thing for six years is that we have such high expectations and we want holidays to be perfect. We want these amazing memories with our kids and with our families and sometimes that can lead to lots of disappointment. And there's so much heightened emotion around holidays, maybe things from our childhood that come up or family dynamics that come up only at this time of year.
So it can just be a lot of tension, a lot of emotions. And when you throw kids into that mix who, you know, don't really give a shit about any of that stuff, they just have their needs and want their needs to be met and they're overstimulated. They're out of their routine. Like it can just be kind of a perfect storm at the holiday time. So in this episode, I'm going to give you a few tools and tips to just keep in mind and remember so that things can go as smoothly as possible. And just remember that even though it can be a lot of work. It can be a lot of emotion, it doesn't always go according to plan, it can still at the end of the day be worth it.
So one thing that I find is really, really helpful going into things like this, whether it's a vacation or a special day or a holiday, even birthday parties, like we have to just remember that we can only control so much, right? So think about controlling what you can and leaving the rest. You want to, you know, pack your bag and have all the stuff that you need and plan what you can and then really just let the rest go.
Things like a short nap or even a skipped nap might happen.Your baby might be more wakeful at night while you're traveling 'cause they're in a new environment. All these types of things can happen and it might then derail things when you get home, right? Sometimes parents will say like, "Oh, the baby did great on vacation." But then we got home and it was like back to square one. They'd lost, you know, all of the progress we'd made or they started waking so much more or they started needing things that they didn't need before our trip. And so just kind of having like a very realistic outlook before you leave can help as well. And just realizing that like these little tiny people are going through a lot when you're traveling and when you're around new family members and eating new foods and in new environments and smelling strange smells and there's all the excitement of like presents and it's just so much for their little brains to take in.
And so, yeah, sleep can definitely kind of go off the rails for a while. So it's really important to have, you know, your plan for sleep, your backup plan for if that doesn't work. And then honestly, just like throwing up your hands and saying, okay, we will get back on track. Eventually we'll get back to where we were. Eventually things might just be tough for a couple of weeks and that's just part of it. You want to go in with just a positive attitude and really like don't let sleep be that one thing that ruins these special moments with family.
I remember I used to be so uptight about sleep with my first and it really made me miss out on a lot that I wish that I hadn't missed out on now because I was trying to, you know, skip events so that he could have a perfect nap time in his dark room and like all of that. It was just kind of crazy. So, you know, if sleep is really important to you or really important to your child, then of course you can prioritize it but don't let that be at the expense of your memories or of, you know, your family.
So let me give you an example of something that you might be able to control. So what you bring with you, say you're traveling or even if you're just going across town to your in -laws house, if you want to be able to control your child's sleep environment, you can just bring your stuff with you. You can bring a sound machine. You can bring their sleep sack from home. You can bring a pack and play to mimic your crib.
You can bring their special lovey, like whatever they have in their environment at home. You can definitely recreate that wherever you're going. It just might take a little bit more effort if you want to schlep all that stuff, but that can be really helpful,
especially for babies that do thrive on that routine and on that predictability. And there are definitely those babies out there. That can be really helpful.
And you might even, if you have time, I know we're only a couple of days from Thanksgiving, but keeping in mind for Christmas or for other times where you're traveling, you can also like have the sleep environment in your house set up the way it will be for your trip to prep. So for example, I remember when we were taking one of our first vacations, we were going to be using a pack and play for the first time. And so we actually unpacked the pack and play in my son's room, let him explore it, let him crawl in and out of it so that it wasn't something that was like this brand new device when we got on vacation that he freaked out over. So you can really just do that.
It could be that simple. You might even decide, "Hey, let's try a nap in here. Let's try bedtime in here tonight." Or lots of families have their kids sleep and pack and plays just as their regular every night sleep space. So then that's even better than they have that same exact sleep environment and set up when they're traveling. So that's something you can do too.
A bedtime routine is also a really great way to just keep consistency and predictability. So I talk about bedtime routines all the time. I think they're wonderful. And they are like something that if you can squeeze it in, even a five minute bedtime routine is better than nothing. And a bedtime routine really just means like doing the same couple of things before you go to bed each night. So maybe it's as simple as reading a book, singing a special song, getting into your crib.
For some people, it's like a more long drawn out process. It's a bath, it's a massage, it's all these other things. And that's totally fine too. So whatever works for your family, whatever you can squeeze in, but some things that your child knows they can depend on happening before bed every single night is so helpful just for sleep in general and it comes in especially handy when you're traveling.
So bedtime routine is one of the only things that I'm like very staunch about because I just do see the benefits and it's actually research -based. The benefits are vast and they're long -lasting. So it's one thing that I just make sure we always do even when we're traveling and my kids are actually such great travelers. Like we just got back from a vacation last week and they went down without a problem even though we arrived at 8 30 p .m.
We did our quick little routine and they got right in bed. It was a new house, new bedrooms, new smells. They were gonna be sleeping together in the same bed instead of in their bunk beds. Like everything was different but because they can rely so heavily on that bedtime routine being exactly the same as it is at home it just goes so smooth.

So I definitely recommend getting ready for a big trip is a great reason to start a bedtime routine if you don't have one going yet because it can be so helpful. Now let's think of some things that you cannot control.
So when you're traveling, especially if you're going by airplane, you're not going to necessarily be able to control when or if your child falls asleep. So their naps might become very unpredictable, timings of things might be different. Their sleep environment is obviously going to be different. They're you know gonna be exposed to noise and surrounded by people and things like that. So those are just things that you cannot control if you're traveling and you just kind of have to accept that sleep that day is gonna be a little bit different and it does not have to be perfect, right? So it can be a nap in a carrier, a nap in a stroller, it can be a 15 minute power nap while you're you know running to your gate And then they wake up when you get them on the plane and it just is what it is. It's not ideal. Of course We would all love to board our flight and have our child pass out immediately sleep the entire time and wake up when we're at our Destination. sometimes that might happen and you get super lucky and other times not. so again That is just one example of something that you cannot necessarily control. There are a couple of things that you can do though. So I always recommend bringing a baby carrier because that kind of helps with you know Just kind of blocking out that outside sensory stimulation. So they're you know snuggled in close to you which of course lots of babies love and then it's also helping a little bit with Blocking out some of the visual and auditory stimulation because they're really just snuggled into you and not facing outward. So a baby carrier can be great. bring one that fits both you and your partner if you have a partner that way you can switch off because it Does get uncomfortable. Obviously carrying your baby for a long time especially if you're on an airplane.
So bring something that you can both wear so you can take turns you also might want to bring wherever you're going whether it's plane car Whatever bring a portable stroller so that you can have a backup plan for a nap So say you're you know at your in -laws house, and they're just not going down There's too much noise going on you can always pop outside again either with the baby carrier or stroller Try to walk them around and see if they'll get the nap in that way. And I know you know depending on where you live and how cold it is and stuff some things you'll be limited Limited by but those are some really great ways to just be able to be flexible while you're on the go
The next thing that you want to think about when you're traveling is your child's temperament and their developmental capacity. You want to keep these things in mind because we often have expectations of our kids that are really high We want them we want the best for them, and we want them to have these magical days these magical holidays… Fun -filled activities. We want to be able to introduce them to all the people that we love. We want to show them new places… grown -ups might be giving them gifts and having these high expectations of how they react to those gifts so there's just a lot there's a lot of expectations that we place on our kids.
Then you add in all of the additional sensory stimulation that they're going through right so like I've said they are exposed to new people, new sounds, new smells, new environments, you know, new routines, new ways of doing things. So this can be a lot. And then if you are traveling, they're also off of their normal, you know, body clock or their normal routine. So it is just so much and it can be so overwhelming for little kids and especially those who might be highly sensitive or maybe neurodivergent.
So a few tips for this because this is something that I have personally dealt with and I'm sure lots of you have as well. One thing that can be really helpful for any kid but especially kids that are a little more sensitive is to prepare. So one of my favorite ways to prepare for new situations or new environments is with social stories. I talk about social stories over on my page Hey Sleepy Baby all the time because they're so powerful.
I used to use them all the time when I was a teacher and they are just so easy and so effective. So basically a social story is just you can Google it and you can even find pre made ones for like any situation online. But basically what they are is just these little narrative stories that kind of put your child in the first person and talk about what's going to happen. They just kind of very matter of factly lay out exactly what's going to take place.
So say you're going on an airplane for the first time and you have a three year old or four year old you can say their name is I don't know Jack. You would write a story called Jack goes on an airplane and you might use actual pictures of Jack. You might do little doodles. You might print something off the computer. It can be whatever you want. But each page would just have a simple picture and a simple sentence.
So Jack is going on an airplane. Airplanes can be so exciting. Here is what an airplane looks like on an airplane. We sit in our seat. on an airplane. we buckle our seatbelt. On an airplane, there might be snacks. On an airplane, there might be TV.
And you can just kind of go on and on to prepare them for all of the things that they might see or might experience so that they're ready for those things, right? And you would read this for at least a couple of days, if not a couple of weeks. And you can read it as many times as you want, as many times as your child wants. And it really just helps prep their brain for exactly what to expect. And it can be for any situation.
So I like to include things that might happen and how we might feel about those things happening. And then depending on your child's age and, you know, verbal ability, you can also include like some coping mechanisms too.
So for example, the airplane might be really loud. Sometimes when sounds are really loud, I get a funny feeling in my tummy and feel like I want to cry or, you know, whatever it is. If the airplane is really loud, I can put on my headphones or if the airplane is really loud, I can tell my mommy, I need to take some deep breaths or whatever it is that you guys have kind of developed as a coping mechanism for whatever this is, right? So social stories, great one.
You can also just talk about the plan again, how depending on how old your child is and their level of understanding about what's going to happen, you don't have to make a formal social story. If you don't want to, you can just kind of talk about what might happen, talk through what they might see, what they might feel, remind them that they're going to be safe, no matter what, that you've got them, all of this stuff.
You could also use a visual schedule. Lots of kids get really anxious before trips or before things are going to be different. So you can use some type of little calendar or like some type of little countdown. You can print one off the computer.
Again, Google is your friend. Google like kids visual schedule and you'll get a million different templates you can use. And that counting down can help them really visually see clearly when the trip is coming and can help ease a lot of that anxiety.
The next thing you want to keep in mind for kids, especially that are highly sensitive is to not over schedule and not over plan as much as possible and I know sometimes when we're traveling especially when we're with lots of other family or friends we're not always in control of the plan. We're not always you know in control of the activities that are planned for the family to go out and do but if you can be mindful to only plan a few things per day and allow lots of time for winding down.
So I like to kind of think about the day in chunks and it's gonna depend on how many naps your child takes, how many chunks you have right so if your child's on three naps or two naps you have more of those little chunks throughout your day broken up by the naps.

Try to only schedule one big activity per chunk and then a little bit of wind down time before you want them to be taking their nap and this avoids just like the rushing the business from place to place, the overstimulation, the overwhelm, both for your kid and for you right. you don't want to have to plan a million things per day when you're away.

So make sure that you keep that in mind just each chunk give one or two activities max and then enough time for winding down and enough time for them to be able to take their nap.
The next thing that you want to include in each chunk also is do not let them get hangry make sure that in each chunk there is an eating time whether it's a meal time or a good snack… something that will fill them up because when we're away from home this happens more than we think. Because we're so busy we're out of our routine we're not in our own kitchens, bringing and preparing and just always be thinking about snacks can be really really helpful, because I can't even tell you how many times with my own kids they've been absolutely off the chain.. my husband and I look at each other like what is wrong with them and then we realize oh they're probably hungry like they haven't had a snack in a while they probably just need to eat and then they're like different people after they eat.
And honestly same like I get the worst case of hangry my husband always jokes that he needs to like carry around goldfish for me because I just get in the worst mood when I'm hungry and kids are the same way and we also have to keep in mind that when we're traveling when we're at other people's houses they might not have access to the same snacks that they have at home. so for a lot of kids familiarity with their food is so key you know lots of kids are if they're not picky eaters they still just a really like what they like right and they want to have things that make them feel safe and comfortable they don't want to have to try a brand new food for every single meal and every single snack while they're away. that's a lot right.
So planning ahead either bringing stuff along with you or if you're traveling you can even just set up like a shipment or a grocery delivery from a local grocery store so you're not you know putting anybody out and saying hey can you go to the grocery store and buy all this stuff for me…. you can really just automate it and do it right from your phone, have something delivered for yourself, so that you know that when you get to your destination you have your child's like safe foods and their favorite snacks so that you avoid these hangry meltdowns.
And that is something that we always do on trips now because it just helps so much.
The last thing before we take some questions is I really really want you guys to not let the comments of other people ruin your special time with your kids. So this is something that I hear all the time over on Hey Sleepy Baby because so many of you have in -laws or parents or you know friends that just don't get the way you parent or they don't get the way you approach sleep and they make comments about it and it makes you feel really bad and that can lead to a lot of anxiety even before the holidays are here because you're just like oh god like what is this person gonna say if I'm breastfeeding my kid to sleep… like what are they gonna say if if they're you know not going to bed by themselves… and they need us to lay with them like I just don't want to hear the comments.
And I totally get that so this might require some prep work again like all the other stuff we're doing you might need to prep a little bit with family members if it's your in -laws I have to say that it really should be up to your partner to set these boundaries or to at least help you with setting these boundaries before the event or before the travel.
You can say something like, you know, just so you know, we're not going to be talking about this, we're not going to be talking about X on Thursday, so please don't bring it up. And it can be as simple as that. And if somebody doesn't respect your boundaries,
then that's on them and you can decide how you want to move forward with that person. But you are allowed to approach sleep and feeding and discipline however you want. You don't need anybody else's approval.
And I want you to stand proud in your decisions because you know your child best. And you can just let those comments roll off your back because you know deep down that you know what's best and that you are doing the absolute best thing for both you and your baby.
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So let's hear from our first question, Emma.
Hi, Rachael. I've just got a question for you about jet lag. So I live in the UK, I'm a big Disney fan and I really would love to take my daughter to Walt Disney World in Florida. It's a five hour time difference, they're five hours behind. And I just don't even, I'm so scared about going because of the time difference. I'm like, I just don't want her to be up stupidly early. And like, what do I do with the sleep? Yeah, just if any tips, we also go to nursery or daycare. So like kind of changing the schedule beforehand is a bit tricky as well. Thank you.
Oh my gosh, Emma, thank you for your question. I love this one because I have such amazing memories from visiting Disney World with my family growing up. I absolutely love it there and loved it as a kid. So this is quite a time change, you're right. And it really all depends on how long you're going to be going to Florida for. So I would say if you're going to be there for more than a few days, plan to have your first couple of days after you arrive as your more low key days, right? There's so much to do in Disney World, you don't have to go to the park from sun up to sundown every single type night that you're there, right?
So maybe at the front end of your trip, thinking about doing things like hanging out by the pool, exploring your hotel, maybe going out for a meal or two, and then you can plan the more like action packed park days, once you've had a couple of days to adjust. I'll put a blog post in the show notes all about time zones and travel with little kids, because I think that'll be really helpful for you too. But overall, the easiest way to transition to a new time zone is really just to use the natural light and darkness.
And so that basically just means that during daytime hours, you want to expose yourselves to as much natural sunlight as you can, even if it feels off to your body, like, oh, I should be sleeping. No, if it's daytime in your destination, try to get up and get outside in the light. And then same thing with evening, when it's evening nighttime, you want to keep things dim, dark, avoid blue light from screens, if you can, things like that. And that can just help your circadian rhythm kind of get on track faster and take care of it for you. So I hope that helps and have an amazing time. Disney World World is such a special place.
Our next question is from Jen
I would love help with navigating in -laws, splitting holidays with families, not wanting to have to travel everywhere with two kids knowing that they're not going to sleep at somebody else's house and be miserable, but then also not wanting them to come to your house because you'll have to straighten up and entertain and clean and feed them, yeah, making people happy while not being miserable.
Okay, Jen, I totally feel you on this one and I think that lots of listeners probably do too. And it's kind of like what I said a little bit earlier in the episode about boundaries. So I'll just kind of talk about what we do personally as a family that has worked well for us and then I'll give you some ideas of things you could try.
So for us personally, we tend to alternate the holidays between our sides of the family. So every other year, one side gets Christmas and the other gets Thanksgiving and then we switch each year. Only a couple of times it hasn't worked out because I've been very, very pregnant or something like that and couldn't travel. My family's on the east coast. So it's a six hour flight and Marley's whole family is here in San Francisco.
So it's a little bit different. When we are in San Francisco, as far as hosting, you know, we're all here. So I'm pretty lucky to have in -laws that usually do whatever is easiest for me. Since I hold the grandchildren, I hold the power, right?
For example, when we had Leni last year, she was a newborn at Christmas and I actually really wanted to host Christmas Eve, even though I was only about a month and a half post -partum, because I didn't want to have to pack all the kids in the car.
Even though it's a short drive, they're in the city, it's just, it felt less overwhelming for me to just have my family at our house. And so I cooked and people helped me.
They brought, you know, things to go with the meal and drinks and stuff like that and desserts. But I actually cooked the meal and that worked, it just felt better for me at the time. Like I don't know if I would do it again that way necessarily, but I had a baby that really hated the car. And for me to like imagine packing her in the car and driving her and then bringing her home and the kids are, you know, not going to bed when I want them to go to bed and all that stuff. So kind of like you said, like it just, that was what felt better for me. And then there are other times where I really want my mother in law to host.
So one thing that I would say is that if it's your in -laws, it's really helpful again to have your partner be the one who kind of either initiates this conversation or is at least there with you during the conversation so you can have kind of a united front.
And holidays can just be really touchy with in -laws because there are so many years of history there, right? So there's all these family dynamics that are at play from even before you ever entered the picture. And then, you know, there's obviously new dynamics now that you're there and now that your children are there.
But you might just say something like, hey, I was thinking I would love if we could have Christmas at my house this year. It's just so much easier to get the baby down in her own room. So, you know, it would be really great if you could just help me cook the meal and then we can have it all here.
So you can also like find these ways to kind of compromise. So if you want to host because it's easier for you to be home but you don't want to do all the work of the cooking and the cleaning. A, like have your partner help and B, you can ask the guests to contribute to the meal. So doing it like potluck style or having, you know, just cooking something easy and then having other people bring the drinks or the desserts or the appetizers or whatever it is so that you're not having to do every single thing.
I think ultimately having holidays with family can be really joyful, but then depending on your family dynamics, it can also be a lot of work, right? And then for those of us with young kids, it's work no matter what. So you're either going somewhere else and getting everybody prepped and in the car and slipping all over the place or you're hosting and you're having to do the cooking and the cleaning and the hosting in your own house.
So in my opinion, holidays with little kids is just work and that just is the reality, especially if you're involving family.
So, you know, you could also totally opt out and decide, we just want to have a quiet holiday with our own little nuclear family this year and then maybe that'll feel like less work, but it may also feel less festive. So it's just the thing that you have have to kind of weigh like what are your priorities, right? Maybe you are creative with when you host something to like maybe you say, Hey, we really want just a quiet Christmas at home just with the baby this year. Is it okay if we do like a next day Christmas brunch to celebrate with you guys instead and have them do presents and whatever with your kids?
So, you know, you could do Christmas brunch, Christmas dinner, Christmas Eve, day after Christmas, like you can also kind of spread out these events and and take the pressure off having every single thing on one day where you have to see everybody.
That's another thing that we've done because my husband's parents have been separated for decades. And so we, you know, when we're in town for a holiday, we usually have to do one side and then the other side.
And over the years, we've kind of just said to everybody, Hey, this is a lot for us now that we have kids. And so we're going to do something with you on Wednesday. And we're going to do something with you on Thursday or on Friday or something. So, you know, they kind of just have to understand that, right?
Okay, the last question is from Chloe.
How can we maintain a routine while also being flexible when we're out of the house or at a family's house for the holidays or traveling?

I love this question, Chloe, because I think it's so key to enjoying the holidays and traveling in parenting in general. Really, being flexible is so important. And I think for so many of us, it can be really hard. And I think part of it is just knowing your baby and child and how well they do with things being changed up. So I talked about temperament a little bit earlier.
And it's true that every kid is so different when it comes to their adaptability. So if your baby isn't or your child isn't as adaptable or go with the flow, it might require a little bit more of the planning and the prep that I talked about earlier. For example, you might want to bring along some things from your home sleep space, you might even prep by using the items that you'll bring along for travel like the pack and play at home for a few days.
Another thing you can do to plan ahead if you're a contact sleeper is you may bring like your carrier or just ask the host, like if you're going to somebody else's house for the holiday, you can just, you know, call them up ahead of time and say, hey, hey, we contact NAP. So I'm going to hold the baby when it's time for her to take her nap. Is there a quiet space that I could use at your house while we do that so that I can just sneak away and give her a nap?
This way you're not feeling awkward about saying, oh, hey, like you're cooking this whole meal right now, but I need to ask you to set up a quiet space for me to go take a nap with my baby. And I'm going to just disappear for two hours. Okay. Like, where can I do that? So it's kind of nice to just give that person a heads up that this is what you're going to need. This is what you're going to be doing. And it just avoids that awkwardness in the moment.
Lastly, never be afraid to do a little nap on the go. If you need to stroller or car naps are pretty inevitable when we're traveling. And, you know, if your little one has a hard time with this, a few things to think about would be, like, is the car seat fitted properly? Can you try music? My Taylor Swift playlist on Spotify is a great one.
Or brown noise or something like that in the car or hooked onto the stroller with a little portable machine…Can you maybe experiment with the timing? You know, they might be a little bit overtired. And you want to try a little earlier, or they might need a little bit more sleep pressure. And so you might want to push it a little bit later. So again,
don't be afraid to experiment. Don't be afraid to be flexible. It's so key sometimes to do that. And also just some self talk, telling yourself, it is okay that this nap is going to be a little shorter.
It's okay that this bedtime is going to be a little later not allowing those types of things to steal the joy from your holiday season and from your time with your family.

Okay, so you always have all the time in the world to get back on track with sleep. Do not let it ruin your holiday. Do not let it ruin your joy and prevent you from making memories. Be flexible. It's all going to be okay. Have a safe and happy traveling and holiday season, everybody.

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